About women in menopause and even more misery...

You probably know them too. Those people who, after serving a delicious steak during a home dinner, apparently find it necessary to spoil their appetite with the comment: 'I would like to become a vegetarian, but I still like a piece of meat'. It won't surprise those who know me that these kinds of statements spontaneously give me allergic rashes. Why should you apologize for wanting to gnaw on a 'better life' chop?

Okay, I admit it, I too have been in two minds lately. And now that I have recently turned fifty, I am slowly coming to the realization that age is 'a thing'.
The wannabee vegetarian above will undoubtedly shout, “You're as old as you feel!”, and even if that thought is correct, it remains just a thought. Especially when you combine that thought with the feeling of 'been there, done that', which keeps pace with increasing age, it will be clear that that is not a good recipe for continuing in the same way...
And so I recently had a meeting with a business associate who, under his normally beautiful tan complexion, looked rather gray. And as caring as I am, I couldn't resist asking him about the inevitable sad tenor that lay behind what he clearly radiated...
After a solid marriage, it turned out he had thrown in the towel. And while he continued his monologue in tears (I can't stand men in tears), with the core idea being 'I can't take it anymore', I felt the spots on my neck, I broke out in a sweat, I felt panic, a razor-sharp remark was on the back of my tongue...
His story was about the fact that she has been sweating so much in bed lately, that she smells different (and therefore not better), mood swings, irritable, blunt behaviour, less sex, etc. His wife was no longer his wife (suddenly?). Actually, I didn't want to know all that, but then again, hadn't I inquired about it myself?

What I remember most is that there were actually two Yvonne's during this conversation. On the one hand, Yvonne who listens understandingly and patiently, compassionately, supportive, caring...
And on the other hand, a Yvonne who internally ran to a boiling point, irritated, short-tempered, thinking 'how do I end this conversation?', the ultimate bitch & witch, but above all with the feeling of: 'DON'T COMPLAIN MAN! I HAVE THAT TOO! ' And at that moment I understood what the term 'transition' really means. No, not the biological explanation (you can read that on Google) but rather the split in which your changing emotions put you. On the one hand, your caring self, in the service of (because you have learned that), on the other hand, you put yourself more centrally, you consider yourself important (is this it and what do I want from now on?).

The flesh is weak but the hormones (or at least the lack thereof) are strong. And I refuse to believe that I have gone from 'once a delicious t-bone' to now being a hamburger. Especially if you take a look at the men and come to the conclusion that your soulmate from yesteryear is now sitting on the couch with a BMI of over 35, and that you can measure 'being familiar with each other' by knowing for sure that his laundry is again next to the laundry basket. Not exactly a challenging prospect for the rest of your life, right? (phew, breathe in, breathe out)
And that brings me to the core. I think everyone comes to a point where you experience a certain sense of control and security over your life. That your ambitions have largely been achieved, that you know 'how it should be done' (yes, how should it be done?), that you have finally learned to color within the lines...
On the other hand, regardless of our age and hormone balance, we continue to have dreams and desires. We are always looking for things that inspire us...
The only danger of age is that your life experience has shaped your norms and values in such a way that they have become a kind of collective truth. A status quo from which even the biggest wannabee vegetarian can no longer free you.

The only person who can save you from that stalemate is yourself. Not by pushing others, but by taking hold of yourself. Be the change you want to see. As a vegetarian or a meat eater, butter or margarine, it doesn't matter. Give yourself space (yes, space is wonderful and scary at the same time) to occasionally let your own (new) norms and values ​​prevail over those of others. You will not always receive approval, but if you dare to do something 'deviant', you normalize it for the people who come after you. And don't you turn colorless gray underneath your healthy complexion...

Yvonne